Merry Christmas From Surfrider Spirt Sessions is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

The loss of a young and vibrant life is never easy, is impossible to make sense of, and is wholly disturbing. No one knows how long we will feel the repercussions of Charlie’s passing.

We spent the days struggling to comprehend the hows, the whys, the what ifs and in the end, we simply came to accept the unpleasant and terribly uncomfortable fact; Charlie is gone and nothing can bring him back. Sam our program manager was the first to pronounce, through teary eyes, “None of what happened and why it happens matters already. He is gone.” We simply have to move forward.

We teach our kids that life is like surfing, waves come and go. Turbulent waters happen, as do calm days and perfectly glassy waves. Life goes on. Water keeps moving. And in life, most of us survive the wipe outs, and on unfortunate occasions, some surfers never come up for that almighty HA, breath of life. We imagine they went out with a stoke, riding on the high of an awesome wave before taking their last dive. We admire their passion, verve, guts and the sheer audacity of paddling before that fateful monster in the first place. We imagine they departed with heart pounding joy. Whether it is true or not doesn’t matter already, they are gone.

We are all going to “go” one day. It’s an undeniable fact. Yet we all wonder at the process. And we all contemplate what does it all mean? What’s the purpose?

The simplest answer I have is “to surf”. To live life in communion with nature, enjoy our time in the lineup with friends, to know we choose our challenges and accept the outcomes, whatever they may be. To paddle hard for big waves and exciting rides, to duck dive under curtains of water crashing overhead, to sit and enjoy the view between sets, to paddle back in when you are satiated, had enough or need to rest. To simply be IN the world, IN yourself, feeding your spirit and honoring the space you occupy on this earth. To live in ALOHA, exchanging breath with other beings and our ‘aina. Together we breathe and feed our plants, while they in turn respire and feed us. We all have a place in the world. The cycles of life keep turning, taking us along with it. We keep moving forward.

We are still here. We have more waves to catch, days to cruise, mornings to rise at dawn to meet the day’s first set.

We still have many young lives to nurture, guide, encourage and praise. We still have hundreds of “Charlies” who need support and whose lives can be saved, and who need to know they can make better choices. We cannot change Charlie’s choice, unfortunate and permanent as it is. (Oh how I wish we could) he is a reminder for us of how tender, raw and pained our kids are. They hide it well. Covered beneath layers of bravado, or in Charlie’s case, thoughtful quiet reserve.

All we can do is move forward and look around at what remains. Youth who have told us their lives are changed. Youth who may have made the same tragic choice as Charlie, but given options of surfing and community have changed their minds. One youth said to me “I attempted suicide before, but now I feel like I have so much to live for. And there are so many people who are here for me. I’m glad I never did it. I never knew my life would get better like this. I wish he would have believed that this good stuff would last.”

Yes the “good stuff” can last — if you can learn to roll with the waves and remember that even the best waves have to break. Savor the good. Lock up the stoke of the good rides deep in your heart and in every cell of your being. Then let the memory and good vibes of that stoked propel you through the challenging currents of hard times. If there was a good wave once, there will, eventually, be another. Remember that no one ever caught a great wave without paddling through rough water. Learn from the wipe outs and do the best you can. Live. Just live.

While we can’t bring Charlie back, we can learn from him. Wipe away the tears, climb back on our boards, and move forward. As long as there are waves to ride, and people to celebrate them with we will paddle back out and try again…

Yes, we will keep moving forward.

Making sense of loss and moving forward is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

As a family of “doers” and involved hearts, our Surf Ohana is not accustomed to doing nothing. We did not still for long. We needed to move, to act, to do SOMETHING. True to the spirit of he`e nalu we found comfort in the water. We needed to honor Charlie as we knew him, smiling, driven and proud of his accomplishments in the water. We needed to pi kai, and wash away our sorrows so we went to the ocean, and found peace in the crystal waters of Waikiki.

There is something amazing and poetic about a paddle out funeral. Sam arranged for two canoes to carry Charlie’s grandparents and young friends while the rest of us paddled out on surfboards. We gathered just past our usual surfbreak at “Canoes” and circled around his mother who sat on Charlie’s favorite surfboard. Charlie’s mom held his ashes loosely in her hands, letting him slip through ever so gently into the wind and water. We tossed flowers over her as she let him go.

Watersoaked, no one could tell the difference between the salt of our tears and salt of the ocean on our faces. Tear by tear, we filled the ocean with our grief, shock, disbelief and yes, even our hopes for all that potential futures Charlie had once had before him. As we watched Charlie’s ashes dissolve, a new notion of “returning” hit me, Charlie had literally become one with the world. We were all literally swimming IN Charlie.

Quietly, slowly, carefully, gradually, we found our voices and stories began to emerge. Everyone shared stories of Charlie, and I was struck by how much his blood family felt our program made a difference. His mother shared that without the paddle-out there would not have been a funeral, nothing had felt “right” to them. On his urn, his mother had honu (turtles) engraved on it, because she remembered him telling her about how we saved turtles and how it was our kuleana (responsibility) to malama (take care) of the land and each other. She thanked us for taking care of him, bringing him joy and told all the mentors how much they made a difference.

Evan (Charlie’s mentor) came and his dad joined us. His dad spoke of how Charlie changed Evan’s life as well and how much richer Evan’s life was because he knew Charlie.

Now for the funny part (yes, even in sad times, we somehow find joy): Prior to our paddle-out APEC (Asia Pacific Economic Council) protestors had been causing a ruckus on the beach and had become a point of concern for the authorities. Our group had been in the water for well over an hour and were too occupied to notice that the current had carried us down to the APEC security no-go zone and that several black jet skis had been circling us. When we finally broke to paddle back in to shore we apparently set off a commotion on the beach as the CIA, FBI, and other security forces thought we might be launching some sort of attack. Luckily, one of the the security detail officers who heard the chatter on the radio and knew Uncle Sam and rememberd that we would be having a funeral. Fortunately, Sam was in the canoe and hit the beach before the rest of us. He was summoned immediately and had to confirm that we were NOT launching an attack! All alterts were called off and no jet skis were sent to corral us! (Whew!)

It was a day befitting Charlie; quiet and calm on the surface, and full of activity behind the scenes. We will miss him.

paddling out for Charlie

The Surf Ohana Gather to talk story and celebrate Charlie

Celebrating a young life. Remembering Charlie. is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

I cannot tell you how it has impacted our Surf Ohana.  We are all still swimming in a fog and turning it all over in our minds while our hearts ache and stomachs churn. There are no words. At some point I will blog more on this, but for now I will let the words of Judge Browning speak for us:

" Folks: There is nothing I can really say that takes away the pain and sorrow that we are all feeling. It is tragic and the sense of loss never really leaves it just dulls in intensity, I say this because over the course of my career I have lost 3 individuals in cases I have handled. What you must hold on to is you made a difference.

" This child experienced happiness as a result of spirit surfing. This child experienced caring and love because of all of you. This child had a relationship with a mentor that that was meaninful——a relationship that he may never have had if not for you. And he had the love and caring of a truly wonderful and devoted probation officer….I share your grief.

"He was OUR child. It does no good to ask "why" or to try to second guess what could have been done. I learned this lesson too many times. I hold on to the miracles——the kids whose lives were changed by you. I hold on to the acts of love and grace that each of you give each day that gives a child a reason to believe—-a reason to feel life as it should be felt.

"And I tell myself that the work is never done ; that there are so many other children, like (him), that are saved because of you.

"Aloha and with Prayers,

Judge Browning"

Our hearts and prayers to our young surfer and his family.

Today is a sad day. What to say when a teen commits suicide? is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

A few weeks ago, one of our girls was in pain and was cutting herself with a razor when she, (thankfully) thought to call her mentor. Another girl in our program has a left forearm covered in so many cross hatched scars her skin feels like a coarse linen when I touched them.. The scars were fine and almost delicate but their hardness told me the cuts had been deep, sliced at a consistent length and even spacing revealed careful forethought and planning. These cuts were not accidents. They were executed carefully, intentionally and were tainted with a strange affection.

To be clear, the scars we often find on our girls are not the kind of tribal scarring that some body artists practice in lieu of tattooing or piercing. Our girls did not cut themselves in order to be trendy or fashionable, they are not decorating themselves to prove a point, be different nor make any kind of statement. Their scars are memorials to survival and to pain endured, not to pain inflicted. And they often serve as testament to incredible suffering endured alone.

As disturbing as their scars may be to me, I’ve learned to be grateful for these outward signs, if for nothing else than the mere fact that they remind us of how much our girls have endured.
Many of our youth are suffering and have suffered silently and alone. Their pain is often unbearable. While self-mutilation is not a practical solution, many resort to it for immediate short term relief.

Why girls cut

We see cutting scars on many of our girls, typically on the arms or wrists, sometimes on the legs and on occasion on their bellies. In every case the girl expressed similar sentiments to what one girl put so simply. “When I cut myself and feel better..it doesn’t really hurt that much and it takes my mind off other things and afterwards I feel good.” Another told me, “After I was raped, I felt dead inside, and numb all over for a long time. When I cut myself I could feel again. My blood felt warm on my skin so I knew I was alive.”

The more I speak with girls who have cut themselves, the more I realize that teenagers can be emotional volcanoes. When they feel something they FEEL it right down to their core. Many of our kids are suffering inside and without an appropriate outlet, a pressure value of sorts, the pain becomes too much to bear. They literally feel like they are tearing apart from the inside out.

Cutting then becomes a metaphor for releasing pain and/or alleviating internal emotional pressure. And the physical benefits of rushing endorphins as their bodies react to the trauma add a physical sense of relief. Attention can be an added bonus but it’s rarely the motivation.

Surfing to cut the cutting

In all cases I know of, the cuttings were done alone and the intention was not to get attention but to alleviate pain. A rare few casually displayed them as a cry for help or attention. Most are embarrassed by the scars. More than anything, it reminds me to pause, take a moment and check: Are we noticing the pain of someone right in front of us? Is there a scar in the making? Can we put a pressure value on this?

I’ve asked the girls who have cut, “Does surfing really help?” the responses were a resounding “yes”. One girl summed it up nicely, “When I surf, I feel so good, so alive, so free…I don’t know what it is but the water, the sun, the rush, the cool people make me feel safe…all together I just forget all my problems and feel good.”

I’ve come to learn that the pain of cutting is nothing compared to whatever our kids were going through on the inside when they cut themselves…and thank god, they didn’t cut to kill. They are still here. They have survived. I am thrilled that we are showing them ways to alleviate and process pain, that doesn’t involve blood and razors. All we need is some good old fashioned salt water, a stick, some stoke, and yes, there may be a few unintentional reef scars, but that’s a different blog…

stay stoked, cut loose and catch some h20!

Surfing: A Better Alternative to Cutting Out Trauma is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

It’s no secret that one of the greatest challenges to non-profits is “proof of effectiveness ” and quantitative measurements. Yet some of the greatest indicators of our impact is in the real life stories. Here’s a short and simple one:

Runaway Who Wanted To Surf

Last week we got a verbal report from a Probation Officer ” Don’t wait for (name), she’s on the run and know one knows where she is.” We started our program, and to our surprise our runaway girl scrambled in at the last minute and ran up to her mentor, ready to surf. Sam, our Program Manager, checked in to see if she was okay and to let her know her mother and Probation Officer were worried and looking for her.

She said “Yeah, I know, I didn’t go home, I don’t want to get caught but I really didn’t want to miss surfing.” She told us what happened. She was safe at home but was having the usual teenage disagreements with mom. Her mentor suggested she call her mom, and let her know she was safe with us then promise to go home and sort things out with her mom. Then they could surf together in good conscience. The girl called her mom, with her mentor by her side, made her apologies then got a ride home after surfing from her mentor. How’s that for trust, breaking a negative cycle and motivating change?

So, do we make a difference? I think so. Do you think so too?

Can Mentors and Surfing Really Make a Difference? is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

3 girls on their first wave

Sessions are 12 hour events for our team… a mad scramble of people and things to manage. Last Saturday marked the beginning of our Spring Session and our staff put in nearly 13 hours that day, in the hot sun AND surfed for at least 3 hours each.

Our new young program assistant Kelsey asked me “With all the challenges in Non-profits, staff doing as much as they can, funding issues and the bad economy and hardships and emotional drain how do you stay upbeat?” I told her the truth; sometimes we aren’t so upbeat.  But funny, thing this “do-gooder” stuff, just when you think you want to quit, can’t take it anymore, and you feel like you are driving off a cliff or speeding straight into a wall, you know… to the end… then out of something happens to shift the fear and worry.  Some kid (or two) happens…

New Boards, No Wheels!

We have new boards but no truck or van. So I was up at 4am, picked up one of our junior mentors at 5am and met Sam and Scott at our “offices” by 6am. Half an hour later we are loaded with boards stacked 4 high on each car, boxes of rashguards, surf log journals, pens ,food,  tent, water bottles, coolers, and not one of us can look our windows except for forward. Unpack, set up, scramble for parking, grab a few bags of ice and coffee as we run back to the beach and already girls and mentors are arriving.

17 girls showed up. Most were scared or nervous. Only one girl raised her hand when I asked if anyone thought they would catch a wave and ride it. The rest just looked down or tried to pull their heads back into their rashguards like a turtle. One girl even said to me “No way. Not me. Nah, I don’t really want to be here.”

Getting Warmed Up

Flash forward 30 minutes later….Girls are riding waves. Everyone is screaming, cheering, falling, flopping and laughing hysterically. Makeup has run off. Hair in the nose, in the ear, swimsuits twisted and no one gives a hoot. Pure joy, pure selves…the best of everyone comes to light.

Falling In Love…

That girl, the one who said “Not me, no way”, catches her last wave in, falls off her board, her head pops up and she hugs her board beaming like a Cheshire cat. Water dripping from the corners of her smile and she shouts “I LOVE SURFING! I LOVE MY MENTOR!”  Talk about a 180 degree turn around!  And I know it’s just the beginning of what surfing can do.

Everyone Catches a Wave

Later, on land I ask the girls to raise hands if they caught a wave. Every one does. 100%.  In fact, everyone caught several waves. I then pose the question “What other wonderful things can you achieve that you do not believe you can but we KNOW you can?” Eyes grow wide. Wheels turn. Change is in motion.

The boys session in the afternoon echoed the same. Except one boy arrived angry and belligerent.
“I don’t want to be here. The judge is making me so I’m here. I don’t want to surf. I’m just not into it.” an hour later he’s beaming like sunshine. I paddle over. “So did you catch a wave?”  “Yeahhhhh!”  “How was it?”  He says to me, a different kid now,  ” I love it I love it! I think I’ve found a new addiction. A healthy on this time.  I’m back next week for sure.”  A few minutes later he starts sharing his life story with me.

This kid has been in foster care since he was 3 years old. He was taken away from his parents when he flew through the windshield in a car accident caused by his drug impaired parents. They are still using ice and he hasn’t been home with them since.  According to him most of his foster care homes that haven’t been so home-y.  You can see in his face there hasn’t been much joy.   And like most foster care kids, he doesn’t feel connected.  But today, in a sea of blue-rashguards he found a stoke and a bunch of folks he was willing to pour his heart out to. He took a chance on us. And we’re here for him.

So yeah, the stories can be hard, the work can be grueling, but the stoke, the STOKE is the reward. And knowing at something as simple as riding a wave, can open a heart just wide enough to plant a positive seed… well, that’s worth getting up at 4 am.

Looking forward to more waves…stoked!

Spring Session 1: First Stoke Is Hard Work But Worth It is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

Ahh the irony of success…there’s a saying “the more you do, the more you do” and we’re seeing it in action right now. The word is out: Surfrider Spirit Sessions works. Kids say we’re cool, courts need our help, counselors say we’re the best motivator they have for youth. The result? More referrals than ever before! And more need for support to make things happen.

Kids Everywhere!

Tomorrow marks the first session of our Spring Session core program and we are maxed out. Uncle Sam just couldn’t bear to turn kids away so we accepted a few more than our usual limit but when the referrals kept coming we had to wait list the rest. For the first time in our history, we have kids on a waiting list and more youth are being referred to us everyday.

Our Growing Surf Ohana: More Mentors Step Up

Yikes! What do you do when the kids roll in? You recruit mentors like crazy! Thank goodness for the coconut wireless and great partners. This year 3 girls joined us from Surfing the Nations and Surfrider Foundations call out sent us a few more. Mentors recruited mentors and the call is already out for our Summer Sessions. (And yes, if you are interested SIGN UP! See what it takes to become an SSS Mentor.)

Catching Waves And Changing Lives, Yep, We Really Are!

We’re not only getting kids off the street and out of the court system – we’re developing a new generation of leaders, instead of sitting by and watching them grow into a life of crime. Seriously. Check out these results from 2010 youth self-reported surveys :

• 100% caught a wave during the first session despite the fact that fewer than 15% of them believed they could surf.
• 85% felt they had more positive role models and peers and adults they could trust
• 43% felt they had gained positive leadership and citizenship skills
• 62% reported positive shift in healthy living
• 62% felt better about themselves and said they learned more life skills
• 20% returned as Junior Mentor Interns
• 100% of they said they would recommend the program to others. (Wow, how cool is that?)

Courts report that recidivism is down among our youth, they have fewer violent outbursts or bouts of depression, they attend school more often, have improved communications and better relationships.

Working Hard To Keep Working Hard

We worked like crazy and it paid off! Last year we received more than 20 grants and raised more than $20,000 from independent donors. It’s even more fantastic news when you consider it was our first year as an independent 501c3 and take into account the challenging economic times. This year we have even more to do. More kids, more needs, more resources…

Jump On Our Wave!

Give A Dollar, A Dime, Or Your Time… It all Counts!

If you love what we do, join us! This year we have been blessed with a $100,000 matching grant from the Omidyar Ohana Fund (mahalo!!!!) which means every dollar we raise turns into two! And we’re working hard to get every penny of it. Last year our kids raised over $1,000 at a car wash, and are planning to do it again. We’re looking for corporate sponsors and partners, and yes, we’re writing a zillion more grant applications! If you believe like we do, that our kids are precious resources worthy of our investment, make a donation, or sign up as a mentor or volunteer today! And tell everyone you know about us and our work. You don’t need to be a surfer to catch our wave and change a life… all you need to do, is care and take action… welcome to our Ohana! Until next time….STAY STOKED!

Fundraising to Feed the Boom: More Kids, More Mentors, More Needs is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions

It has been an incredible year and not to sound trite, but we at SSS have a TON to be grateful for! We started out the year as a new independent 501c3, in a bad economy, non-profits struggling everywhere and our fiscal sponsor shutting down. Seriously, we thought we would die in June. Although we should’ve planned for a simple retreat but we’re lunatics…we just couldn’t let go.

All we could think of was the kids. The stoke. And all the people who wanted to see Spirit Sessions live. So with a few bucks in our pockets and nothing more than passion and a unwavering spirit we committed ourselves to doing whatever we could to help kids and our community.

What Inspiring Support!

“Committed” being the word. By all rational accounts we should have been “committed” because what we were doing seemed insane. Taking delinquent teens surfing? And who would have thought EVERY judge in the Hawaii Family Court System would support us AND come down to the beach? It happened.

Yes, taking “delinquent” kids surfing to change their lives sounds crazy, but not if you understand the power of “the Stoke”. Joy, positive social interaction and connection to the environment are energizers. They feed the spirit and turn kids onto to a positive high. And yep, they think we’re crazy….crazy cool. And they want to be with us, like us and around us.

Honestly, not every judge thought what we were doing made sense. But they came. And some even learned to surf with us. How cool do you think they think that judge and probation officer is now? The one who wiped out and popped up smiling then paddled out to get help from one of the kids? Teens want to be lead “on their own terms”, and if they like you,if they can relate to, you they’ll hear you. And when kids care about something, they are energy in spades. They love the ocean, surfed with turtles and hustled like crazy to keep the beaches clean to protect the place they came to love.

Parents, Judges and Probation officers witnessed “delinquents” picking up OTHER peoples cigarette butts and teaching tourists about how the butts harm turtles and other ocean life.

And now the judges and probation officers are all believers. We’re grateful they came, and experienced the power of the Stoke for themselves. And our community continues to grow.

Gratitude For Your Donations

We thought we were walking the plank to our financial “death” in June. Then suddenly a groundswell of support came in… banks, corporations, charitable foundations, private donors, volunteers all stepped up to support our kids and be part of a positive community.

Our mentors chipped in and sent out emails to all their friends and family who made donations in their honor. And now we have supporters from all over, including actress Kelly Hu, Hawaii State Senators and the entire Naguwa Family.

I could go on and on, naming each individual, but I think this blog is long enough! I’ll save it for another time…because YES we are still here and we will be for some time!

Needless to say, we have a lot to be thankful for and many people and organizations to thank. Above all, I am most grateful for all those willing and able to be “crazy” enough to support our radical program. They know that real crazy is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. They know that simply punishing kids, throwing them in jail and expecting them to come out with a positive outlook and better life skills simply doesn’t work.

And lucky for all of us insane surf mentors who can simply do we love AND help our kids and community. It’s a crazy kind of win win win….

Yes, we are most THANKFUL!!!

Thankful for Our “Insane” Community is a post from: Surfrider Spirit Sessions